Crazy ER Stories: Rationalization

I'll admit, I'm fascinated by the ER. I think many people are-- that's why there are so many dramas and "reality" shows about what happens there. Truth is sometimes crazier than fiction. . . and almost always more hilarious.

One of the things that cracks me up is the way patients can be incredibly judgmental about other people's vices, yet completely justify their own. Here are a few of my favorite examples:

Brandon:   Do you drink alcohol?
Patient:   Oh, goodness, no! I grew up with an alcoholic father. I know what kind of damage that does. I have never let even a drop of alcohol touch my lips. I use meth instead. It's really much less damaging to my family.


Brandon:   So you're shooting coke?
Patient:   Man, who do you think I am? I'm not one of those crack whore junkies. I would never shoot up. I'm high class-- I only snort fine powdered cocaine.


Brandon:   Do you drink alcohol?
Elderly female patient:   Of course not! (highly offended)
Brandon:   I don't mean any offense by it, I just have to ask. Do you smoke?
Elderly female patient:   Absolutely not! I'm not that kind of person.
Brandon:   I'm sorry, Ma'am, we're just required to ask. Do you do any drugs?
Elderly female patient:   Yes, but only cocaine.


Brandon:   Do you drink alcohol?
Patient:   I used to, but I've cut way back.
Brandon:   Okay, about how much do you drink?
Patient:   I'm down to a pint a day.
Brandon:   Of beer?
Patient:   Vodka. But only the good Russian kind, so it doesn't really count.