Crazy ER Stores: Milk and Molasses

 WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

One of the disgusting things about Brandon's job is that he has to deal with the countless patients who come to the ER for constipation.

Can I just say something? (Oh yeah, it's my blog, of course I can.)

EAT SOME FIBER, PEOPLE!

Now I totally understand that there are medications and medical conditions that cause constipation, and that sometimes it really is out of a person's control. But many times, it's just diet related. In this case, the prescription should be simple: eat more fiber, drink more water, and get more exercise. Actually, that prescription would solve quite a few of America's health problems. But I digress.

Anyway, a lot of people don't want to eat fiber, drink water, or get more exercise. . . so instead, they wait until the constipation is unbearable and then go to the ER for an enema. Some people make it a regular weekly date. I don't really get it. I personally would rather change my lifestyle than have a stranger stick a tube up my rectum every month, then have to vacate my bowels in front of said stranger, but to each his own.

Most hospitals use a "soap suds" enema. But the hospital where Brandon is currently working strives to use more natural approaches whenever possible. So when Brandon had his first constipation patient, the doctor prescribed a milk and molasses enema.

Brandon was like, "What?" Surprisingly, despite working in hospitals all over the country, he had never even heard of such a thing.

The recipe was simple. 2/3 cup warm milk and 1/3 cup warm sorghum molasses.

So of course, my husband had to taste it.


(Just kidding! He didn't ACTUALLY taste it. But when he told me the story, he pretended like he did. . . and didn't tell me the truth until AFTER I vomited.)

So how did it work? Well, I won't gross you out with the details, but he said it is the most effective enema he's ever seen.


Seriously: Don't try it at home! You could perforate your colon, you could irritate your intestines, you could have a bad reaction, etc.