World's Worst Cable Guy

We set up an appointment for a guy to install cable/internet at our St. Louis apartment. After speaking with the guy a few times, Brandon warned me that he was a bit strange. Still, I was not prepared for this man at all.

"Larry" arrived over an hour late, cursing about what a horrible day he had, how awful all of his clients were, how much he hated his job, and how he couldn't wait to quit. That was the most appropriate part of the entire visit.

The dogs were going crazy, so I sat down in their exercise pen with them to keep them calm. This got Larry's attention. "Wow, you are the cutest dog I've ever seen!" he exclaimed with a grin. I simply laughed, not thinking much of it. But a few minutes later, he brought it up again. "You are just so cute sitting in that cage. It reminds me of some, ahem, movies I've watched," he said, winking at me and letting out a throaty laugh.

I suddenly became very aware of my tight yoga pants and tank top.

Larry noticed the dog's smaller kennel in the corner, and commented, "Wow, you guys have cages everywhere. People sure are going to be talking about you!" With that, he excused himself and hung out in his van for awhile.

From that point on, I hid out in the kitchen, totally creeped out by this pervert. But he chased me down, and hollered at me "Get back in your cage girl!" He's lucky that my bear spray was in the other room, because I was ready to inflict some serious pain on him.

Unfortunately, his visit lasted for quite some time, because he couldn't figure out how to get our cable set up. During this time, he continually scratched a giant, bleeding sore on his leg, and touched everything in my house with his bloody fingers. And I do mean everything-- he grabbed my bottled water, sat in my chair, typed on our computer, opened kitchen cabinets, pet the dogs, and sat on our brand new white carpet. I was cringing the whole time. If you know me, you know that I carry multiple bottles of hand sanitizer with me, and that I have a serious germ phobia. I was furious that this man was spreading his germs around my house. I warned Brandon to not touch anything, but Larry kept grabbing him by the hand, and poor Brandon had to use Larry's dirty cell phone to finish setting up the service.

Once the cable was working, Larry plopped down in my chair and began watching tv, while telling us rather inappropriate stories. We finally pushed him out the door, and I immediately bleached everything in the house. It couldn't erase the creep factor though, and I will never again look at the dog kennels in the same way.